Nothing Creative Today

Typically terrific, busy and prolific

2011-11-24T09:39:00.005-07:00

Well it's my first Thanksgiving away from home, so I thought I'd post a little diddy. I'm surprised that I haven't posted more often since moving to Chicago. I thought that once I moved here I would have daily experiences to write home about every day. That's not to say that I haven't, but to be honest, moving across the country has been far more difficult than I anticipated.

That isn't to say that I don't like it here, because I do. The city is beautiful, I've met some incredible people, and am still jazzed about going to the big school. What I didn't take into account is how much my friends and family at home mean to me, and how hard it is to be separated by 1400 miles. It's weird being in a foreign place on your favorite holiday. If I were at home right now, Mikey and I would be strategizing our cooking plans for our holiday meal, while Mom would be setting the table, trying to figure out how to fit however many people.

While talking on the phone with a friend the other night, I realized that the hardest part about moving away is knowing that if you return, "home" it will no longer exist. So much has changed in Salt Lake City these past 3 months, and I know that it won't ever stop changing. It's such a weird sensation. I remember feeling this way after moving after my senior year of high school, however this time it feels 100x more potent. I don't know if it is because for the first time in my life, I am truly alone, or if it's because so much has changed in the past 6 months. It's probably a combination of the both, or maybe it's just because it's happening now, and the present is always more potent than the past.

What I do know is this is a huge growing experience, and I am grateful for that. It's challenging and lonely but at the end of the day, I know that I will be a stronger person as a result. I am so lucky for the friends and family that I have, both in Salt Lake and Chicago. I am particularly lucky to have the Mother that I do. Between her example of strength, and her willingness to listen to me complain about banal things every day, I don't know how I would have survived these past three months without her.

I am so lucky.

I (still) Carry You Around, in the Background

2011-10-16T21:17:00.005-06:00

Man. 7 years.

I may be horrible at blogging nowadays, but I am pretty sure that I will return to this website every October 17th for the rest of my life. On the plus side, I feel like I am almost keeping the promise I made to myself to continue writing. For some reason words don't flow out of my mind and onto the internet like they used to.

Maybe it's because of Facebook, or maybe it's because I tend to keep things closer to my chest nowadays.

To be honest, I wasn't sure what I was going to post this year. I still really don't. I took a gander at some of my past entries on this date, and I think of the past 6 entries, this one is my favorite.

I can't believe last year at this time Becca was spending every day with me because M and I separated. So much has changed, it's almost unbearable. I currently live in Chicago. Lindsi and her family are in Phoenix and Zandi's planning on moving hers to Colorado at the end of the month. Grandma Van Schelt passed away suddenly on August 18th. (I'd been in Chicago for 2 days.) Mikey and Vance are still home with Mom, but I worry about her constantly.

It feels so heartless to list these items out one by one. They were (are) all such huge events that deserve to be written about in more detail.

This is the thing that gets me every year. Thinking about how much everything has changed and how you aren't here to witness any of it. This past year in particular has been so trying. So much has changed, Dad. I actually did get into SAIC despite being told I didn't have a shot in Hell. Two months ago I moved to Chicago to pursue a new life. Now that I'm here I am constantly wrestling with the question as to whether or not I made the right decision. I hear this is normal, but you know me, I like to think every struggle I encounter is specific to me, and my life only.

I miss my life in Salt Lake. I miss the comfort of having my closest friends within a short distance. I miss feeling needed. This isn't to say that I hate it here, because I don't. I've been fortunate enough to make some friends. More importantly, I've been forced to spend time alone which has led to some interesting realizations. But still, I'd give anything for a Crown Burger, Teavening, or night of laundry and $5 Pizza.

That's life though, right? Last year at this time I would have given anything to fix my broken relationship, and that would have been the worst possible outcome for me. Curiously today is the first time in quite awhile that I have even thought of that relationship. On the one hand, this is a comfort. I know that I will get over my current struggles as I have in the past. On the other hand this comfort comes at the cost of fading memories, which I'm not yet ready to let go of.

I love you, I miss you, and I miss everyone else I know.

Mallory

Under Pressure...

2011-06-28T19:10:00.004-06:00

Received my first homework assignment this past weekend from the Big School. Adding that to the two jobs I currently possess and the stress of moving across the country (have I mentioned I don't yet have a job?) I'm about to break.

In (boringish) work-related news, I've finally begun training my replacement, and am surprised at how territorial I am over my clients. While I've always known this gig was temporary, letting it go is proving to be more difficult than I anticipated. I'm sure I will feel differently when I return from my back-to-back business trips in July.

You make friends in all sorts of places. Even when they are surprisingly gigantic.

Pack up, I'm straight

2011-05-30T22:21:00.003-06:00

I've spent the past weekend packing up my stuff for the first of three moves. Next week at this time, I will be coming to you live from the basement of my mother's house. As I go through all of my possessions and decide what will make the cut (I am literally limited to the space of my car), I am reminded of the experiences that have lead up to this point. I am so excited to escape the haze that has shrouded my life these past two years.

Before You're Lost Between the Notes

2011-04-17T21:15:00.005-06:00

121 days.

This past week I had the pleasure of attending the University of Utah's Annual Student Exhibition. It's always strange to return to a place that you once thought of as home. When returning to venues such as these I often daydream that masses will come up to me, inquiring what I've been up to all these years. I will impress them with my news of graduate school and make them laugh with stories regarding my personal experiences with professional wrestling. They'll invite me for drinks, where we will continue to catch up on each other's lives and when we depart they will secretly wish that they were about to embark on a similar journey.

Unfortunately the reality of these experiences usually involve people I look up to not remembering me, and the people I wish didn't, interrogating me about my personal life, or lack there of. These interactions are a constant reminder that the world keeps moving with or without you. While I realize this observation is nothing new, it always seems to strike a particular chord with me.

While spending some time with friends this past weekend, I couldn't help but wonder where my friends and I will be a year or two from now. Will we lose interest in each other's lives? Will we have to force awkward conversations about our professions and partners when I return to SLC to visit? What about the newest of friends recently added to my collection? Is there even a chance?

I know that the sacrifice is necessary. I just wish it didn't suck.

A trace of me, it floats in my periphery

2011-04-12T22:57:00.003-06:00

I've been wandering about in a bit of a haze these last few days and was finally knocked out of it tonight between the hours of 7:30-10:00 PM. This happens to me semi-frequently. I spend a little too much time alone over the weekend getting trapped in my head, consumed with worry and stress only to be brought back to reality by making inappropriate jokes about having relations with one's cousin. These women have been my stronghold long enough that I can't exactly calculate the duration. (somewhere in the 6-7 year range?)

As I reflect on what I will miss most about Salt Lake City, Crown Tuesday and the friendships associated are at the top of the list. I know that I will be hard pressed to find relationships such as these in the big city, and am worried that I have taken these friendships for granted. I know that I'm being a little over dramatic, it's not like I'm dying, I'm just moving approximately 1400 miles away. But still, if I'm having regrets about not spending enough time with people now, how will I feel in 4 months and 3 days?

Still got your words, and you got your friends

2011-04-11T17:28:00.003-06:00

Took a much needed mental health day today, and figured what better to do with an unexpected day off than post something? I gave in, and changed my URL. Welcome to www.nothing-creative-today.com. That's right, I took the lazy way out.

Wellp, it's April 11, 2011 and I will be moving to Chicago, IL in 4 short months and 4 shorter days. That's right internet, I did it. I have achieved my life long dream of getting accepted to a prestigious graduate program. Once I fork over 500 bones to the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, I will be their newest student. Pretty awesome huh?

Since finding out, I've been an emotional roller coaster (As if this is different from any other point in my existence). During the week, while sitting in my teeny-tiny cubicle processing refunds for one of the country's largest fitness corporations, I cannot wait until August 15th. Regardless of my Colonel Saul Tigh Lego, Betty White calendar and handful of really cool people, I need to get out of that place. It's not where I belong, and it's just comfortable enough that I could consider settling in that position for a long time, which is terrifying.

During the hours that don't include Monday through Friday, 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM, my desire for change isn't quite the same. On the one hand, I'm getting really tired of this self imposed "Must be single until settled in Chicago" deal. On the other hand, there's that whole leaving everything I care about thing.

The plan is to start writing again (how many times in the past year have I said this?) to A) document the ever-shrinking time I have left in good ol' Salt Lake City and B) hash out the above mentioned emotional roller coaster.

Hopefully I still have some followers out there..

Just Like a Faucet That Leaks and There is Comfort in the Sound

2011-01-17T22:50:00.004-07:00

Blargh. I think I broke my URL. While I realize I don't post nearly as often as I used to, (I have a job now...) this site still means a lot to me. Teach me to try and fight Yahoo! or you know, forget to update my billing and change my primary email address. Maybe if I wait it out long enough I can get my URL back.. Or I suppose I could change my URL name. Something Creative Today (Lame). Nothing Creative Ever (True).

What's a girl to do?

Anywho, it took me 2 years, but I finally got around to applying to graduate school, which has made for one purgatorial week, with five to seven more to come. In six weeks my future will be decided. What if I don't get in? Even worse, what if I do?

Remember this post? (beware of Jeremy feelings, I may have cried a little just now)

The point is, shit is getting real. I don't even know how to prepare for this, and at this point I don't even know if I should be preparing. Help me, Internet.

Shut up, I'm thinking

2010-11-14T12:26:00.003-07:00

I feel obligated to write something since my annual Dad post has been the most recent post for just about a month...

It's strange that I have lost the desire to write that I once had. I don't really know what happened, but nowadays I either don't think as clearly or with as much passion, which results in chaotic sentences and paragraphs. Last month I tried writing in my personal journal every day, to try and jump start my thoughts, but I ran into the same muddled mess. The cluttered mind isn't free to create I guess.

This is not to say that I'm a frenzied mess, because I'm not.. Things are just different now. No better, no worse, just different. I think the desire to quantify the state of life is really interesting. One always wants to state how much better or worse they are in comparison to someone else, to another time of life, etc, when in reality, it doesn't have to be better or worse, it's just change. And really , right now will always feel more potent, it is the present after all.

Have Heart, My Dear We're Bound to Be Afraid

2010-10-17T08:47:00.005-06:00

Hey Dad,

It's cloudy outside today, might rain. I hope it does. Man, six years. It's crazy. You'll have to forgive this update. Things here have been really shitty lately, like 2004 shitty. It has resulted in quite a few consequences including a) the tendency to be over dramatic (especially on the internet) and b) for some reason writing coherent sentences has become extremely difficult. So feel free to breeze by this entry.

A lot of big life changes happened this year. I moved out, finally. It's been really freeing, however I miss the security of living at home with Mom and Mikey, especially lately. My apartment and roommate are both great. I live in a great part of town, my place is fairly huge, and my roommate is an excellent cook who doesn't get on my nerves. I really like it here, I only wish I would have lived here while going to school.

The other major change involves the boy, and his leaving me. It hurts, so much, Dad. Some days are better than others though. I know that it's just another trial, where I have to learn the same damn lesson. I can't control everything, and I can't fix everyone. I couldn't control and fix you, I don't know why I'd be able to now. It still hurts though. I feel completely lost and alone, and I don't know how to shake it. I obviously have a lot on my mind concerning that subject that doesn't belong on the internet, so I'll stop, but it is really strange to me how coping with this, and coping with you are so similar. On the bright side, I know I'll be able to get through it eventually...

Finally, I'm actually applying to graduate school this fall. Mikey thinks that he might follow me to wherever I end up. It's an awesome feeling to know that I don't have to go alone. Good job on making that one by the way. Mikey's quite possibly the coolest person to ever exist, and I don't know what I'd do without him, so thanks for that.

Hope things are good on the other side!
Mallory

Jump in, well whatcha waiting for?

2010-09-19T18:43:00.003-06:00

"Struggle as we may, 'fixing' will never make sense out of change. The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance"
-Alan W. Watts

I'm sure back home, they think I've lost my mind.

2010-08-24T09:19:00.003-06:00

I want to be inspiring again.

Also I love this woman.

Just Blue Like Him, Inside and Outside

2010-08-06T10:37:00.006-06:00

Coworker: OMG have you heard of Ingrid Michaelson?
Me: No.
Coworker: She's great, like American Idol great
Me: Cool... (trying not to be bitchy)

(I turn around and get back to work.)

Coworker: So what kind of music do you listen to?
Me: Little bit of everything
Coworker: What do you listen to when you make Art?

(Pause for a moment to die inside)

Me: Umm... whatever sounds good I guess (There is an answer, but I am not having this conversation.)
Coworker: Don't you find music to be INSPIRING??? ITS THE MOST INSPIRING THING IN MY LIFE.
Me: Sure.

(Attempt to return to working)

Coworker: Seriously though, what do you listen to while making art?
Me: I don't make art anymore. (Trying to make a joke about it but in all reality I'm being honest.)
Coworker: So you're like Picasso. During his Blue Period (pronounced "bleu")
Me: Not exactly... Picasso still made work during his blue period you know... the blue ones

Picasso's my favorite french artist too...

Just remember: when the tide rolls in, it can't be too long until it rolls back out.

2010-05-18T00:19:00.004-06:00

I'm attempting to write more often, which probably means that I'll write this post only to be distracted by those shiny keys hanging on my wall... However, I am hoping that it will reignite that thing inside of me that strives to create: be it something artistic, something delicious, or you know, just something.

I've been thinking about life post-graduation a lot lately (or for the past year) and I still haven't come to any conclusions. It's interesting being at here. In some ways I've never been happier, yet at the same time, I've never felt this hollow. What was once a void is now fulfilled, and what was once a source of happiness and self-worth is now empty.

I don't know what the future has in store for me, but as I become accustomed to my old age, I realize that no amount of planning will ever prepare me for the present, let alone the future. All we can do is try. More importantly, we have to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings, and know that we're doing exactly what it is we're supposed to be, no matter how mundane and dreadful it might feel.

Who I am now is a result of who I was in the past, but more than that, it's a preparation of who I will be, and it will always be that way.

Blah

2010-05-10T22:31:00.002-06:00

I've been stuck in a funk for approximately 494 days now, and I can't figure out how to get out of it.

I'm open to suggestions.

Everything's not lost

2010-03-16T23:54:00.000-06:00

Yep.

New Series.

Still make art sometimes.

Every little thing, is gonna be alright

2010-03-02T12:28:00.002-07:00

Quick Update.

Darkroom: Minimized
Future: Changed my mind (again) about my master's program
Present: New Job
Near Future: Show opening.

Mark your calendars for March 19, 2010. I will be showing at gallery UAF. Hopefully I will have some new work to show by then...

Better run like hell when you hit the ground

2010-02-28T01:42:00.003-07:00

OK Go - This Too Shall Pass from OK Go on Vimeo.

This music video has been filling me with unending happiness and hope as of late. Somebody buy me a bass drum (marching band style) so I can walk around and dance with it...

Need some Photo Equipment?

2010-02-23T18:07:00.009-07:00

Right. So I am planning on moving out in the next little while and I need to get rid of a bunch of stuff. Included under the umbrella of "a bunch of stuff" is about half a darkroom and a screen printing machine.

Here are some pictures...

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

I have a screen printing machine, that I believe should be referred to as "two color." it comes with two screens, and spins in and out and all around quite fancily. I never took screen printing and obviously have no idea what I'm talking about. I do think this machine would come in handy for making shirts though.

I also have 3 black and white enlargers.. All three work, all three come with standard 50mm lenses. None of them have neg carriers though(weird, I know.)

The Sunray Enlarger is really beautiful, and heavy, and doesn't have a pole hence why it's laying on the stand..

I've never really used any of these enlargers, as all of this stuff was given to me for free by a kind woman trying to get rid of her father's darkroom.. So I can't really vouch for their quality, but hey it's free?

I also have a large array of safe lights, timers, trays, plastic negative sleeves, oh and a slide-projector that I need to get rid of.

Anyway, if you are interested send me an email (mallorymichelle(at)gmail.com). Salt Lake City area only.

Update: I had an overwhelming response to this post. As of 2/27/10 I have given away all that I have had to the first people who contacted me. If I didn't respond to you, I'm sorry! If you're looking for photo equipment, might I recommend the U of U Surplus Store, and many, many second hand stores and garage sales around the valley.

In the Motions, and the Things that You say

2010-02-15T19:23:00.003-07:00

The boy got me this book for Valentine's Day. It's pretty bitchin', and I really liked this quote:

"... But what they fail to describe is that it is not only a subconscious passive exercise, but also a conscious active one. Simply put, when you've got deadlines you need to know how to cull your imagination into work, whether it's from a book, the Internet, a car interior, the curtains, etc., you need to be able to see and take in your environment and then devise a plan for ideas and execution of your design. Creativity is not a gift from god--it's a skill."

--Delicious Design League (Billy Baumann and Jason Teegarden-downs) on what influences them

With your feet in the air and your head on the ground

2010-02-07T19:54:00.003-07:00

For some reason this whole "laid off" thing is really getting under my skin. It's confusing how personally I've taken it, even though I know full well that it was the right decision for my soon-to-be previous employer to make, as well as the best decision for my life. I think what bothers me most are the feelings associated with rejection: not being needed, and being entirely disposable. Which just boils down to the feeling of being completely unremarkable.

You slave and slave through school, believing in the idea of with hard work comes a great payoff. (Happiness, no less.) Now that I'm finally here it feels as if the whole thing was a joke. Maybe it's because of the choices I've made, and the attitude that I currently possess, but in one short year my life has radically changed, and I don't believe it's for the better.

I know that I have a lot to be thankful for, and I know that I'm being over dramatic, but I don't want to be one of those people who peaked while they were in college. I don't want my life to feel like the first five minutes of Fight Club forever. I want my professional life to have meaning again, to work on things that I care about. I want my brain to feel sharp and focused, instead of numb and cloudy. I want to stop living paycheck to paycheck, and be able to invite friends over for dinner.

Surely things have to improve, I just hope they do sooner rather than later.

Nuh-uh baby I ain't got no plan

2010-01-28T12:40:00.002-07:00

So I was laid off on Tuesday, and I can't bring myself to start job searching. I'm hoping that somebody will just pay me to write on this website and take photographs, so if you are interested, feel free to send me an email. I don't know what is next in my life, but I do know that this is a blessing. I have been miserable since working full time at my soon to be last job, and I'm excited to find something new, something that will inspire creativity, instead of oppress it.

It's too late to 'pologize

2010-01-25T21:06:00.003-07:00

I decided that my office needed more art on it's walls. Then I decided that an entire wall should apparently be an ode to me...

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

I own a lot of photographs.

Your heart is true, you're a pal and a con-fi-daaant

2010-01-19T23:14:00.003-07:00

Found these links while searching for images to recap Crown Tuesday...

Bea Arthur

Puppet

(Note this puppet image is not exactly safe for work, however it is THE FIRST image result when you google "puppet")

Politically irrelevant but culturally awesome

2010-01-08T13:07:00.008-07:00

me: The state of the union address is scheduled to take place on Feb. 2and people are all up in arms about itbecause it might conflict with the season premier of LOSTI am conflicted.
Sarah:ha ha hame:Yep.Won't be voting for that jerk again.Sarah:I just imagined that the State of the Union turned into a Lost crossover eventand it was all about the show somehowme:THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME.Sarah: and Obama becomes politically irrelevant but pop culturally AWESOME

I feel it all, I feel it all

2010-01-08T12:48:00.004-07:00

Another fabulous idea I stole from Maria Davis.

25 things to accomplish in my 25th Year

Write a "This I Believe" essay
Lose 25 Pounds
Learn how to play chess
Make a delicious curry. From scratch.
Make a delicious pie. Also from scratch
Apply to Graduate School
Visit Portland, OR
Print on Wax
Apply for at least 3 solo shows
Dioptric
Read 25 books
Work on something political
Refinish and fill an old bookcase
Ride on a motorcycle
Fill the pages of at least 2 journals
Go Camping (never been)
Participate in NaBloPoMo
Sing a Karaoke Song
Visit the Sun Tunnels
Govinda's Buffet at the Sri Sri Radha Krishna Temple
Ride a train to Denver, CO (Never been on a train, or to Denver)
Ride on a boat (Never been on a boat)
Fix my current Employment/Income/"What the hell am I doing with my life?" predicament
Quit various vices
Mildly Creative Today

Difficult not to feel little bit, disappointed, passed over

2009-12-30T15:21:00.003-07:00

Dear Rolling Stone,

While I appreciate many of the albums listed on Top 100 albums of the decade, I believe you have forgotten a few key albums. (Feel free to all eight million U2 albums on the list with the following)

Tool: 10,000 Days
A Perfect Circle: Thirteenth Step
A Perfect Circle: Mer De Noms
Modest Mouse: Good News For People Who Love Bad News
Nine Inch Nails: With Teeth

And some others I'm sure.

Okay, okay, I realize my list is a little Maynard James Keenan heavy, but seriously? I realize I probably love 13th Step a little too much, but think of all the great songs you're neglecting. No "Three Libras?" No "Judith?" What about "The Outsider?" or "Weak and Powerless?" WHO ARE YOU ROLLING STONE?

Sincerly,
Mallory Qualls

PS I hate Green Day, American Idiot, and all that they and that album stand for.

The car was on blocks but I was already where I want

2009-12-17T23:58:00.004-07:00

All day I've been searching for the right words to say, about how I feel right now. Aye Thot aboot ryteng uh wghool pohst eyn oer sekrit lengwige. I thought about posting hundreds of images, or telling thousands of stories. Particularly the story when I had him fooled and threw him a surprise birthday party. Or maybe I would talk about how he was the only person I ever truly felt comfortable talking about art with. Or maybe the time we drove around shouting our lungs out to Mariah Carrey (Or Hall and Oates that other time.)

I can't possibly quantify my feelings, or even begin to explain how much he meant to me. But I know I wouldn't have been able to survive these past few years without my friend Jeremy. Maybe I'll just re-post this previous entry, because that particular day meant more to me than many.

The dashboard melted but we still have the radio

5:00 AM: My phone's alarm clock goes off. The girls just left like four hours ago, and it's time to get up
5:03 AM: Let The Duke out, force him to come back in, he was chasing a bird...
5:05 AM: Fight The Duke to take his vitamin, he likes to pretend that he's swallowed the little blue pill, but never does.
5:08 AM: The Duke finally swallows the pill
5:30 AM: Leave for Becca's.
5:37 AM: Panic, I'm out of gas and my car keeps beeping.
5:45 AM: Arrive safely to Maverik, 37.40 for a tank of gas? I wish I was dead.
6:05 AM: Make it to Becca's without getting lost. Still five minutes late though. Damn, guess I'm not the punctual one after all.
6:20 AM: Stop at my house to get shoes and a jacket. Scare the crap out of my mom. Drop off stuff so Mikey can go check up on the Duke while I'm out for the day.
6:37 AM: Becca asks how long till we get there, I say about 30 mins.
7:00 AM: Get off the freeway. Orem is under construction. Bizarro-world is even more bizarre this morning.
7:15 AM: Arrive to Jeremy's apt complex. Find a parking spot. Text Jeremy
7:16 AM: Jeremy walks out to the car, my my my, it's good to see my friend.
7:17 AM: Drive around the wacky world of Orem. Becca tells us stories about the various buildings on the way. She used to work at Savers. Seriously could she be any cooler?
7:25 AM: Jeremy and Becca start talking about some viaduct or something. Apparently its a landmark. Lots of round abouts. I try really hard not to crash or get a speeding ticket.
7:30 AM: Arrive to the Village Inn. Still feeling sick due to events occuring earlier in the week.
8:30 AM: Head to Becca's parents' house.
8:45 AM: Arrive to the house of Becca's past. Meet her parents and two dogs, Ollie and Betty. Ollie is no Betty. Still feeling a little queasy but so excited to be hanging out. Becca's mom is really nice and loves gardening. She should be friends with my Mom. They could talk gardening. We snag the paper and go garage sailing. I'm totally starting the summer list before August this year and I'm proud of myself.
9:15 AM: Find some sweet stuff. Try to buy a cane for Mikey. They're not for sale. In fact nothing in this garage is for sale. I get whacked with a cane, so i kick some throats.
10:30 AM: I told you Orem was bizarre, they have drive through gas stations. We order Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, water and a bag of sunflower seeds. The girl at the window thinks I'm batshit insane. She's probably right.
11:11 AM: We visit Savers. I find a sweet scarf and trivial pursuit the 90s edition. Decide to only get the scarf. Jeremy finds an awesome couch and a cool camera. I should have purchased the camera but didn't.
12:15 PM: Visit a local pet store. I recognize the shopping center, it has a UPS Store. A little person works at the store out there. Seriously. We look at the animals. Becca thinks about getting a turtle. I text Lisa and Marci asking them about their turtles and what they eat. Ms. Petunia eats meal worms, Mikey eats pellets.
12:35 PM: Drive around some more. Recognize another shopping center. It has a UPS Store. Stumble upon a super garage sale at an elementary school. Find some cool shirts, fall in love with everyone looking through the used items.
1:13 PM: Everyone needs to wazz. Becca and I hear each other wazz for the first time. We're gonna be friends forever.
1:15 PM: Go to lunch, Osaka. Its tasty. I eat my entire meal. Haven't done that for over a week. Hmmm. Things will be okay. Jeremy takes pictures of us. We sort of hate him, but oblige. After eating we lounge in a secret lounge. Take more pictures. Decide to go to the book store for books and caffeine.
2:30 PM: Drive to the book store. Recognize a few land marks while driving, including a restaurant i went to with Scott and Virgina a few months ago. I felt informed.
2:35 PM: Wander aimlessly around Barnes and Noble. Lose Jeremy. Find a cool new address book. Jeremy and Becca both decide to buy journals. Hope they like them as much as I love mine. Sit down to talk. Accidentally swear in Orem. Get a dirty look. Leave, look for candy, no such luck. Head back to Becca's
3: 30 PM: Becca's Mom plays from the music Jeremy bought at one of the garage sales, then plays Chopin. It was beautiful. She and Becca play a song from their past. It was like watching a memory. I marvel at how welcoming she was to me. Ollie is still no Betty, but he's pretty damn cute. I don't want the day to end.
4:30 PM: Drop Jeremy off at his apt. I'm sad to see him leave. We wave goodbye.
4:35 PM: Orem is still in shambles, we can't find freeway on ramp
5:15 PM: Finally make it to the Salt Lake Valley. Drop Becca off at Jake's parent's house.
5:17 PM : The best Saturday ever is over. I have to make a phone call and return to reality, how will I survive? Oh yeah, we're doing this again next month.

Posted by Posted by Mallory at Wednesday, May 09, 2007

If you're still here you should read his side of the story.

I need a BSE now more than ever.

Much Ado About Nothing

2009-12-12T02:03:00.002-07:00

I figure if I'm going to continue to bitch about how shitty other people's art is, I should at least attempt to continue working photographically.

I've started a photo blog*. I need some sort of artistic outlet and right now, free online web space is all I can afford. I think I might try something like "a photo a day" or something else that is horribly cliche.

So without further ado, may I present

Mildly Creative Today

*I loathe personal photo blogs, and I hate it when people create blogger accounts to portray their so-called "work"

Check this font, it's sans-serif

2009-12-10T11:34:00.004-07:00

These videos are too awesome not to share...

and

Also I decided to put off applying to graduate school for a year... Bah.

What is gone is gone

2009-12-06T23:15:00.002-07:00

Remind me of this come January 3...

To A Beautiful Lady Of A Certain Age
By Felix Dennis

Lady, lady do not weep -
What is gone is gone. Now sleep.
Turn your pillow, dry your tears,
Count thy sheep and not thy years.

Nothing good can come of this.
Time rules all, my dearest,'tis
But folly to be waging war
On one who never lost before.

Lady, this is all in vain,
Youth can never come again;
We have drunk the summer wine,
None can make a stitch in time.

Nip and tuck 'til crack of doom,
What is foretold in the womb
May not be forsworn with gold -
Nor may time be bought or sold.

Dearest, do I love thee less,
Do I shrink from thy caress?
Think you I could cease to care?
Never was there one so fair!

Lady, lady do not weep -
What is gone is gone. Now sleep.
Lean against me, calm your fears,
Count thy blessings, not thy years.

Hello Future, Where will I be?

2009-12-02T14:51:00.004-07:00

Do you ever wake up the day after Thanksgiving and think "hmm. I wonder if what I just spent the past 6 years of my life working on is really what i want?" and then come to conclude that you don't have any idea what you want to do with your life? Then start to worry that somehow life will just pass you by and you'll wake up 40 years from now in the same place? (Your mother's basement, with your cat watching re-runs of LOST)

Funny how things can change so quickly in 6 months.

When they insist on knowing my bliss, I tell them this

2009-11-10T18:32:00.002-07:00

Just in case I ever decide to get married.

via Gizmos for Geeks

And you never know what’s coming next, but in spelling...

2009-11-01T22:52:00.005-07:00

I don't know what it is, but apparently in the past 6 months I have lost the ability to create coherent blog posts.

I apologize for all of the grammatical errors. I blame the fact that I no longer type to Sarah Anderson via instant messaging on a daily basis.

Woe is me.

I carry you around, in the background

2009-10-17T16:15:00.004-06:00

Hey Dad,

I don't know what it is about this year, but it's been especially difficult to deal with. I'm pretty sure my coworkers think I am insane and that I possibly hate my life/job. When in reality I've just been really down because of the whole you're dead thing. Can you believe it's been five years?

Coincidentally I spent today at a funeral, and part of last night at a viewing, at McDougal's Mortuary of all places. I saw Gary Angell, he works there now. It was incredibly surreal. I parked in the same space as I did at your funeral, and the viewing was held in the chapel. It's strange, but I'm so glad that I was there. (So quit feeling bad Marci.) It's so interesting to see how others deal with death and mourning. It's good to feel like I'm not alone. Even though I don't understand why I still freak out every October 17. I wonder if that will ever go away, and why I seem to be the only person who does that.

I was really good this year and went out to the cemetery to see you. Sorry I didn't bring anything, I don't know if you heard or not, but we are in the middle of a recession and money is tight everywhere. I can't even begin to express how frustrated I am and how trapped I feel. I keep wishing that you were here to take care of things, but you're not.

This past year was sort of crazy with graduation and everything. The past few months have been especially crazy. I visited Chicago, made some new friends, found Bryant, and even had a cancer scare. I'm fine though, don't worry. I always land on my feet you know? Because I think I can do anything, and whether or not I feel like it right now, so far, I'm right.

I miss you Dad. And I love you.

Mal

Electronic Castaway... Digital Stowaway

2009-10-06T07:45:00.002-06:00

Check it ouuuut!

MalloryQualls.com

Bitchin' right?

The most important product I have ever endorsed

2009-10-04T16:57:00.001-06:00

Thank god for synthesizers

Or if Carl Sagan's not your cup of tea...

So Empty, So Estranged

2009-10-03T23:37:00.003-06:00

I just needed to share this with someone..

My desktop hasn't had less than 30 or so icons since I first purchased this machine. I am so productive it's sick.

Currently I am blogging because the idea of actually sitting down and writing up a personal philosophy on art is scaring me shitless. (Have you noticed how this blog has turned into a non-stop whine fest about how scared I am of graduate school?) After whining to a friend today (for what I remember to be hours) he patiently sent me this quote.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

-Theodore Roosevelt

It's strange how people reappear in your life at the exact moment you need them.

Momentary Phase, Just Like Yesterday

2009-09-27T14:13:00.000-06:00

Incredible.

DC Sleeps Alone Tonight

2009-09-22T23:57:00.003-06:00

Dear Owl City,

You are not The Postal Service. Please cease from making music.

Love,
Mallory

Dear Steven Seagal,

What???

From,
Mallory

Going to bed now...

It's time I got back to the good life

2009-09-19T10:39:00.004-06:00

I really need to do a better job at blogging. I never thought I'd say it, but I miss the days of mindlessly wandering around the internet while at work.

In case you're looking for an update on my life here's the d/l.

Still working at a bank.
Still missing school like crazy.
Being featured in this year's 35x35 show at Finch Lane.
Continuing my love affair with NPR.
Trying to start up a new UPAC.
My social life seems to be spirally out of control.

Time seems to be moving faster than ever, and I can't seem to get anything done, let alone started. Boredom with monotony is only temporary right?

Hello Future Where Will I Be?

2009-08-30T22:41:00.005-06:00

Right now my future looks like this.

Sept-Nov. Apply to graduate school
Dec. Wait... wait... Christmas and all that
Jan. Turn 25, Self-medicate and cry. Wait wait
Feb. Wait... Wait...
March: Hear back from said schools. (You hear back in March right? who knows)

Scenario 1:

Dear Mallory,
Thanks for the $75 dollar application fee. We used it to buy lunch. Do you like Thai Food? We do. Thanks for applying, your work is mediocre, your "curatorial experience" is amateur at best, and we're pretty sure you have a hygiene problem.

All the best,
Your hopes and dreams.

At this point, the girls will bring me some tagalong ice cream, Jeremy and Becca will throw me a BSE, and I will continue living in my mom's basement, as a lowly item processor.

Scenario 2:

Dear Mallory,

Congratulations! You have been accepted to such and such school! Since you are so incredible, we've decided to pay off all of your debts, waive your tuition, and give you a $200,000.00/semester stipend to cover your living expenses.

Hope you're excited to obliterate your social life! Say "good-bye!" to your friends family and significant other! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to further your career, and that's all life is to you right? Being a sucessful student, employee and all that jazz?

One more minor thing, after moving here, graduating, and finding a job, you'll probably never return to Utah, except to visit. I know that's what you've always wanted, but is it really? You should know that we don't have a local version of the Crown Burger, or the Republican.

Cant wait to see you!
Your future.

Internet, I'm freaking out.

To Pour it has to rain, so don't be afraid to get wet

2009-08-12T08:39:00.003-06:00

Greetings from Chicago!

I'm spending the next few days out here with my good pal Marci, checking out some grad schools. Internet, I'm scared shitless. Daydreaming about picking up everything and moving away to a big city has become a constant in my life, but now that I am actually here, actually perusing it, I'm terrified. While I know that I will never feel satisfied professionally in Salt Lake, I worry that I'll never find the same social interaction anywhere else.

I'll be touring Columbia College on Thursday, and The Art Institute of Chicago on Friday. Everything feels a little more real, and I think I need a cigarette.

It's doing me in, doing me in, doing me in.

2009-08-02T17:25:00.001-06:00

I hate everything.

You're like a knife to my head

2009-07-20T22:54:00.003-06:00

Albeit I'm a teensy bit anti-male lately, but I have a question about the male* gender.

Why do they always talk about their lineage? And more importantly, why do they think girls find it interesting? Am I the only person this happens to? Because seriously, I need more fingers and toes to keep track of how many males have told me about the land of their fathers.

I don't care that you feel like an oppressed Scot (yes that was technically a joke.. but seriously. Funny once, and only once) and I don't care that you are 5% Dutch, 25% English and 70% German. I don't care that you identify with your German roots blah blah blah why am I writing about this on my blog? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING INTERESTING.

On a related note, CONGRATULATIONS YOU GUESSED THAT I AM DUTCH. It's not like I have blonde hair and blue eyes or anything. I'm just saying, I used an image of some random dutch woman from the Netherlands that Sarah photographed as my facebook profile picture and at least ten people believed that it was actually me. You are not original.

The point is this. Lineage. Maybe I'll think it's interesting someday, but right now? I don't give a rat's ass about yours.

End Rant.

Pictures of new art and thoughts worth reading soon...

..hopefully..

*Matt Allred you (and only you) are exempt from this rant.

Layers

2009-07-05T16:41:00.001-06:00

This series is from my junior year of college.

Before you're lost between the notes

2009-06-30T11:47:00.004-06:00

So I just added some links in the "inspiration" section. You should check that shit out.

(The new links are RedTown Photography and The Ghosts of Silence in case you weren't paying attention...)

We were dead before this ship even sank

2009-06-28T20:58:00.002-06:00

I think I accidentally killed Billy Mays

June 25, 2009
Me: so I'm watching the news, and Michael Jackson died, and people are
FREAKING out. its insane.
Alonzo: yeah i read something that said the real michael jackson died in 1984
Me: literally or metaphorically?
Me: I'm going to become freakishly obsessed with a celebrity, like figure out
where they live and follow them around.
Me: Maybe that guy who does the oxy clean commercials...

I'm really sorry.

But I cant help the feeling, I could blow through the ceiling

2009-06-14T23:01:00.004-06:00

I just finished watching Revolutionary Road (sorry Maac...) and I'm pretty sure that Kate Winslet's character, April, is based on me if something in my life doesn't change soon.

I wish I were exaggerating.

Strange Love, a Star Woman Teaches

2009-06-02T23:20:00.002-06:00

I am SO sick of being awkward

Me: oh man REMEMBER THE BORG?

Maria: Borg Andersen?

Faith, you're driving me away

2009-05-27T16:00:00.003-06:00

To whom it may concern,

If I haven't talked to you since high school, please don't invite me to your wedding. I don't care about your wedding blog, your youtube wedding account, and your facebook "ohmygod so and so are getting married!" group. We may have been friends back in the day, and I'm probably glad we were... but honestly. If I haven't talked to you since then, I'm not buying you a wedding present.

Thanks,
Mallory

I carry you around, in the background

2009-05-25T17:15:00.005-06:00

Dear Dad,

Happy Memorial Day! I visited your grave today for the first time in probably 2 years. I'm sorry that I don't visit more often, I don't really have any excuse. I'm pretty sure that the act of visiting cemeteries is more for the living than the dead anyway. The point is, if you're wondering how I'm doing you should either a) check out this site or b) read over my shoulder while I'm writing in my journal. But don't follow me around all creepily. A girl needs her privacy, it's better for both of us that way if you know what I mean.

Anyway. I know I typically write this post on the anniversary of your death, but I figured there was no harm in writing you twice in one year. A lot of stuff has done down over the past few months and I thought I'd give you an update.

Probably the biggest thing on my mind is that I graduated a few weeks ago. It's crazy Dad, and I wish you could have been there. I worked and worked and now I'm done and I'm not sure what to do with all my time. I am proud of my accomplishments though. I'm gonna jot them down (in list form) for when I'm feeling blue and decide I need to look at all my posts labeled "dad" because I do that quite frequently.

During my 5 years at the University of Utah I:

Decided to devote my life to art.
Never discovered what it means to be an "artist"
Received a Departmental Scholarship
Created and ran the UPAC for 2 years
Met Jill Dawsey, she said my work was interesting
Without hesitation, Elizabeth Peterson agreed to be one of my references
Filled the pages of something like 10 journals
Wrote almost every entry on this website
Went to Crown Tuesday (For almost 3 years now)
Becoming the Machine
Mirrors and Windows
Equinox
Building 38
The 2008 BFA Show
I was awarded Best in show in the 2009 BFA Senior Show
I successfully created 6 Ciabachrome (or Ilfochrome if you want to get all technical) prints
I was interviewed by a blog, who looked me up.
Discovered Radiohead, Modest Mouse, and Tool
Saw many bands and art exhibitions that at the time felt life altering.
Met tons of artists who inspire me
Those same artists are now my friends, and I don't know what I'd do without them.

Obviously the experiences I received while earning my BFA can't be summed up in a list, but I know you were there with me every step of the way. Just like you will be wherever I end up next.

I'm taking a trip to Chicago in a couple of months to check out the SAIC. I decided a long time ago that if I go to grad school, I'm going to go big, Which probably means I won't get accepted, but I'm still going to try.

I feel lost not having a definitive deadline on the horizon. If I wanted, I could just work at my current job for the rest of my life and never really amount to anything. That possibility terrifies me. But I guess Whatever Happens, Happens. Right?

Anyway. I drove past our old house this afternoon and the people who live there now cut down all of the trees in the front yard. I nearly drove past the house, not recognizing it. Mom's Mimosa, and the huge trees with the helicopter seeds are gone. My secret hideout is gone, and so is the tire swing you made me. I don't know if I will ever get used to the fact that time moves on whether or not I'm there to witness it. Life Huh?

Hope things are going well on the other side,
Mal

Don't get any big ideas...

2009-05-23T04:15:00.002-06:00

Saturday, May 23

Daily Tarot Card

The Wheel of Fortune
The Wheel of Fortune deals with the unpredictable situations in life. Your path in life takes many detours, often directed by forces and events beyond your control. This card represents change in your life, so be ready for unexpected challenges to come your way. This card usually denotes that good luck is coming your way.

It's 4:24 am and I can't sleep.

Every night turns out to be a little bit more like Bukowski

2009-05-18T20:42:00.004-06:00

I have really bad writer's block right now. I think it's because I don't know where in life I'm headed to next. I really need to post about the events surrounding graduation though...

Dizzy and clearly unable to just let this go-

2009-05-09T00:08:00.001-06:00

So I graduated today.

What the hell do I do now?

Whatever Happens, Happens

2009-04-21T11:33:00.004-06:00

Things that are currently blowing my mind.

1.This link, sent to me by pals Lewis and Savana almost simultaneously. I'm finally going to print on wax.

2. I graduate in like 17 days.

3. This Caramel Latte.

4. Hearing from a friend who I haven't talked to since before I knew the girls.

5. This post is a year old.

6. Did I mention I graduate in like 17 days?

Things that will blow your mind:

If you don't attend at least ONE of the FOUR showings, I will take it personally. :)

From: The Wisdom of Insecurity

2009-03-31T17:01:00.001-06:00

Since what we know of the future is made up of purely abstract and logical elements-- inferences, guesses, deductions-- it cannot be eaten, felt, smelled, seen, heard or otherwise enjoyed. To pursue it is to pursue a constantly retreating phantom and the faster you chase it the faster it runs ahead.
--Alan W. Watts

Come with us now on a Journey Through Outer Space..

2009-03-23T12:56:00.002-06:00

Hell. Yes.

There's beauty in the breakdown

2009-03-09T22:56:00.006-06:00

This series is an exploration of abstract art.

When a painter creates an abstract painting, they are creating an image that originates in their imagination. Pollock’s drip paintings, for example, are a physical manifestation of his self-expression. The photographer does not have this luxury, regardless of the content of the image that they create, what they capture will always contain an element of truth.

While exploring this series I have questioned, can photography truly be abstract? My images are not a creation of my imagination; rather they are manipulated scenes, rooted in reality.

Art-schmart.

2009-03-02T21:04:00.003-07:00

This is more of a post of obligation than anything else... The past two weeks haven't left me as elated as the weeks prior. As always I am worried about a lot of things, primarily my future. I'm worried that working as an item processor is sucking away everything that defines me.

I read an article at Musings and am worried that I don't have what it takes to be an artist.

What else is new though? :)

Take this sinking boat and point it home

2009-02-20T01:36:00.004-07:00

Tonight my fortune cookie said this:

"Life is a series of choices. Today yours are good ones"

Right now, I really like my life. The past week has been an incredible one, full of seeing multiple old friends. I wish I could always feel this way.

1, 2, 3, 4 tell me that you love me more

2009-01-29T13:22:00.003-07:00

#26 is that for the last 4 or so years I've tried to be Sarah.

1. Leaving the LDS Church was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made, and I have never regretted it.

2. I often get discouraged that I can’t do everything that I want to do in this lifetime. I still want to be a Supreme Court Justice, astronaut, neuro-psychologist, social worker, fortuneteller, pilates instructor, rock star, pilot, and oracle (that makes bombs.)

3. I am an elitist//art snob. I feel like I should feel guilty about that, but I don’t. I do however feel insecure about most things as a result.

4. I have had a cat since I was 8, and I will probably seriously consider suicide when she dies.

5. I am terrified of becoming an addict.

6. When I get depressed or super stressed out, I shower 2-4 times a day.

7. I never know what to say to people when they ask me the meaning of my tattoo. The idea started out as a sort of tribute to my favorite band, which was intertwined with feelings bout my dad at the time. Now it also symbolizes 2 incredible women, optic phenomenas and my favorite tarot card. The more I explore life the more relevant it becomes. It’s insane.

8. I hate it when people take online surveys too seriously, and post serious things on their facebook notes.

9. I am a hypocrite.

10. I often day dream about being friends with the radio personalities on KUER

11. I credit most of who I am to Cynthia Mayne and four boys from Scott City Kansas. It’s really weird. Well not the Cynthia part.

12. It frustrates me to no end that I will never know all of the answers to everything.

13. I dislike day-glo colors, the word “cute” and peanut brittle.

14. Joe Marotta has single handedly inspired every mentor I’ve ever had. It blows my mind on a daily basis.

15. I miss school so much that I asked my friends what textbooks they were reading this semester. So far I’ve purchased 3 books.

16. I really enjoy math. (I didn’t purchase math textbooks.)

17. There are few things I love more than Coffee and a poppy seed muffin.

18. I possibly love Coffee and a chocolate chip cookie from the f/stop more.

19. I keep a journal that is designated for lists only. The journal has 4 sections; a list of everyone I’ve ever known (more of a web diagram) a list of everything I want to do before I die, a list of every band I’ve ever seen, and a list of everything I’ve accomplished. The last list is really short.

20. I want more than anything to start over in a city that I’ve never seen. Even though the people who mean most to me live here, the idea of being able to start over and be whoever I want is really appealing to me.

21. Through art I have rediscovered spirituality.

22. I find music to be more inspiring than any other medium. Attending a good concert or listening to an incredible album is indescribable for me.

23. My work as an artist is more often mined from the thoughts of various musicians and painters rather than photographers.

24. I don’t care for photography, anybody can learn how to use a camera. I could care less about your studio lighting, f/stop, and CRAAAAZY effects. If your work has no thought or purpose behind it, it is worthless.

25. I don’t feel comfortable talking about what I create with very many people. Most of the people who I can speak candidly to about creating I’ve never actually met. It’s my new years resolution to be able to speak openly about art, what it means to me, and why I’ve decided to devote my life to it.

I don't know how long I can hold on

2009-01-24T16:47:00.005-07:00

"Your plight and your problems are actually the source of your artistic creation. The majority of young artists who come to New York to develop their careers are eager to enter the mainstream. But, like you, they have to spend time working other jobs to support their costs of living here. It may seem like you are wasting time that could be used for creating art, but you needn't actually worry about this too much. As long as you are a true artist every field that you are engaged in outside of art circles - living and working - will produce treasure, which sooner or later will be used in the creation of your art."

Xu Bing

I don't live in New York (yet), but I think it still applies.

Possibly the most shallow thing I've ever written

2009-01-15T20:06:00.003-07:00

So I have this problem with men. Those who I am attracted to always think of me as a "best friend." When I'm feeling confident I tell myself that it's okay that this happens, it's just not meant to be and I have bigger and better career-related goals to pursue.

When I'm feeling less secure, I convince myself it's due to my ginormous hips (aka puffy crotch), blotchy and pock-marked skin, not to mention my thighs, flabby arms, and sub par chest. I also feel insecure about my constant need to self depricate.

The point is, these feelings of insecurity are usually rooted in my physical appearance. The majority of past "best friends" have since married or are now in a relationship. The women that they have ended up with are (i'm sorry i am so shallow) really unattractive.

Maybe this means that they didn't like me because I am not unattractive.

Or maybe there is an even bigger issue as to why I'm always the best friend and never the girlfriend.

Call it Education

2009-01-12T22:39:00.003-07:00

It seems like everything and nothing is occurring in my life right now. Writing has become increasingly difficult, which is why I haven't been blogging so much lately... but here's another list of what's going on in my world..

1) I'm 24, and I feel really old. I thought I'd be so much farther along in life at this point. I'm considering joining a religion, group, cult, etc. So I can accurately gauge my progress towards life success.

2) I am going to run a 10k. This 10k. Thanks Becca, I needed the motivation. Thanks Scott for the advice.

3) Speaking of Scott. Holy crap. Did I mention I feel old? :) I'm so excited for you guys!

4) It's my final semester at the University of Utah and it is blowing my mind. I am by no means ready to graduate. The idea of graduating and leaving the university setting is really freaking me out. Now more than ever I feel that I want to be a college professor when I grow up.

5) Today the radio has been telling me over and over that the most talented artists have been insane. From Charlie Chaplin, to Vincent Van Gogh, apparently inanity is the ticket to success. I often worry that I have emotional problems of some sort, so maybe its a good sign for my artistic future.

6) This year I am going to submit an essay to This I Believe.

What's going on in your life?

3, 2, 1 Let's Jam.

2009-01-06T23:38:00.002-07:00

You've got to be kidding me.

Who will save your soul?

2009-01-06T12:54:00.004-07:00

Blah blah blah I hate working days, it's sucking away my soul, which is lame because everyone should have one. A soul that is.

Anyway. Unless you are Sarah, Lisa or Marci, I swear to God if you talk to me about how great pop music and crappy television are, there is a good chance I will stab you repeatedly in the face with a letter opener.

Also, PLEASE stop singing along with the radio. You're offending my ears not only with your lack of taste, but your inability to comprehend the concept of melody.

20 minutes left of my lunch hour..
2 hours 50 minutes until enjoyable company arrives.

I wish I was dead.

The Idea becomes the Machine that Creates the Art

2008-12-15T22:26:00.006-07:00

I have really missed blogging, I feel like I haven't sat down and verbally vomited all over the internet for quite sometime. This is an annoying "I have a blogspot" post, but what the hell. Here are some updates in my life:

1. Semester: Complete: Unfinished Series
2. Car: Transmission: Dead
3. Job: Full-time: Bittersweet
4. Dating: Nobody: Lonely (but Liberating)
5. Friends: Always gone on the weekend: Annoying
6. Cat: Cuddly: Adorable
7. Christmas: Stressful: Handmade Gifts
8: Art: Directionless: Anxiety
9. Music: Low and The Arcade Fire: Incredible
10. Art (Again): Sol Lewitt: Life-changing

In addition to that weird list, my birthday is coming up 3 weeks from Saturday and I'm thinking that I would enjoy going to a bar again this year. The problem is, I have no idea where to go.

Any Suggestions would be appreciated.

I'm bored.. C'mon let's get high.

2008-12-14T13:25:00.004-07:00

So this may force you to question my aesthetic taste, and it may make me "trendy" (whatever that means) but I freaking love Franz Ferdinand.

Audibly and Visually.

I'm so excited for their album. It's exactly what my life needs right now.

Circles of Confusion

2008-12-09T07:35:00.007-07:00

Since I'm currently without website, I thought I'd post this here...

When I was eight, I had my future mapped out. I was going to grow up and become a Supreme Court Justice. I would take the hardest courses in high school, go to a prominent college and attend an even more exclusive law school. After that, It would be smooth sailing.

Now the paths in life aren't as clear. As I grow older, I come to know that the past is easy to forget, the future is impossible to predict and the present is difficult to decipher.

The photographer is immersed in darkness. Only partially does the light hit his eyes. Partially. How can photography see consistency when there is only a dim light that doesn't unveil the whole?
-Massimiliano Tommaso Rezza

You think you'll never get it right But you're wrong. You might.

2008-11-25T13:01:00.003-07:00

In an attempt to find meaning within my own work I stumbled upon Uta Barth. Further research resulted in the same paragraph on 3 different websites:

“Born in Berlin in 1958 and now based in Los Angeles, Uta Barth is among the most influential artists working with photography to have emerged in the last decade. Her photographs take the complete opposite approach to the famous Dusseldorf school of photographers, which include Thomas Struth and Andreas Gursky. While they record their subjects in sharply objective archival detail, Barth's images of interiors, buildings, suburban roads or natural environments are often out of focus, perversely cropped and apparently empty of any foreground subject.”

So what draws me to Barth’s work? To begin with, her work is aesthetically beautiful. The color and composition evoke emotions in a way that only visual art can. The inability to focus on any given object forces the viewer to step back and look at the image as a composition, similar to an abstract painting. Her photographs include all-over composition, a definitive mark and style, as well as a reflection of the self.

By getting rid of the visual focus, Barth’s work forces the viewer to react emotionally. I can’t look at her image and identify it as still life, landscape or portrait. It doesn’t use creative composition or strange angles to create an “abstract” photograph. She literally creates abstract compositions by throwing the lens out of focus. There is no way for me to know what it is, so all I can do is react emotionally. Whether I find solace in the simple composition, or frustration in the inability to focus, all I can do is react.

On a personal note, I often feel overwhelmed with the possibilities associated with being a professional artist. I graduate in less than 6 months, and I have no idea what to do with my life. While I know that this feeling isn’t unique to me, the endless list of options is nothing short of terrifying. Do I go to grad school? Start an organization similar to UPAC? Find a stable office job? These are the questions.

While my primary goal as an artist isn’t being shown at famous galleries and museums (at least it shouldn’t be), I find comfort in the fact that what I have been working on this past semester, before knowing of Barth’s work, is visually similar. It’s reassuring to feel like you are on the right path, even though you know that your path is undefined, and will only make itself known to you once you make a decision.

Cry Freedom, cry

2008-11-14T23:05:00.003-07:00

I have a lot of feelings in regard to proposition 8, the involvement of the LDS Church, and the LGBT movement. Whenever I try to talk about things that are political, ideological, etc., I find it difficult to articulate exactly how I feel. While I may not be comfortable preaching my beliefs, I feel that remaining silent would be a disservice to my many close friends who are personally affected by this travesty.

Those who cause pain and oppression because of semantics ought to be ashamed of themselves.

I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity

2008-11-12T10:55:00.002-07:00

Maybe it's because I'm dating someone who's physique outshines my own, or maybe it's because I'm taking my first ever pilates class, but lately? I am racked with body insecurities and I really need to get myself in check.

It's just difficult sometimes you know? My pilates class for example, has 3 total students: A professional ballet dancer, a 5-year pilates enthusiast, and me. Frumpy McFrumperson. Not to mention this morning I forgot to bring gym shoes to school.

Nothing says sexy quite like a t-shirt, yoga pants, and 2" boots.

Let's bury the hatchet

2008-11-05T23:49:00.003-07:00

Sometimes you just need to read your old journals.
(and yes. Im too lazy to scan... I just use my webcam to make photographs...)

Mirrors and Windows

2008-11-04T09:35:00.004-07:00

Come to the show opening, it'll be fun I promise. Also, check out www.utah-pac.com it's incredible!

When I hit a wall, I look up at the sky

2008-10-30T15:47:00.003-06:00

There is no need to have one and only one style. There is not only one ‘me’. I cannot face existence with only one pair of glasses, one pair of eyes.
-Massimiliano Tommaso Rezza

I am completely blocked.

I like the peace, in the backseat

2008-10-21T15:23:00.006-06:00

Random thoughts while doing some homework.

It's recently occurred to me (or rather, recurred) that I'm not sure what the point to art is. This is highly problematic since I am a self proclaimed "artist." (Whatever that means.)

Before being chased by 50 or so monkeys, a dear friend of mine introduced me to the concept of a magic dictionary. I asked my magic dictionary what the point of Art (and life) is. My finger landed on the word renascent.

re·nas·cent [ri-nas-uhnt, -ney-suhnt]
being reborn; springing again into being or vigor

While reading my art history homework I came across the following quote:

Through colour I feel a total identification with space. I am truly free... and my pictures represent an idea of absolute unity in perfect serenity.
-Yves Klien

I have no idea why I photograph the way that I do.

They'll never cure this thing with medicine and magazines

2008-10-17T01:20:00.010-06:00

Dear Dad,
I’ve been thinking about what to write this year for almost a month now and I’m still not sure as to what I should say. It’s not raining, and today doesn’t feel like the other 3 times I’ve done this. I think it’s because of the sunshine. I wish it were raining.

Just like before, this past year has been different than the others. I’ve been working really hard on some projects, and am going to finally graduate next spring. I have no idea what I’m going to do once I do, a friend suggested that I sit at coffee shops and capture photographs while he reads books. So far that seems to be my best prospect.

I still think about you frequently, only now I don’t break down. I still miss you, and am reminded of you constantly. My new boss reminds me a lot of you, as does a random member of UPAC. I think you’d like them both. I think you’d like most of my friends. I know I talked about this last year, but it is still so strange that you are gone and it still blows my mind how much everything has changed since that Sunday. I have the greatest friends in the world, I wish you knew them.

I wish you were still here. These past few months have been sort of difficult for me personally. If you were still alive, I don’t think I’d really talk to you about dating, but at least you’d be here to hate my boyfriends. Do you realize that you died before I really dated anyone? I’m sure you do. It’s just so strange.

It’s so strange that you don’t know me anymore.

I spent about a month and a half unemployed this year. I thought about you a lot during that time. I never realized what you were dealing with during your stint of unemployment. I’m so sorry you had to go through that for so long, and I’m sorry that I wasn’t more understanding. I was so unforgiving, and so young. I didn’t realize how complicated things actually were. I just saw everything from my perspective and refused to see otherwise. I don’t think that I could have done anything differently to help you, but I wish I had been more patient and more forgiving. I’m so sorry.

This year, a lot of people have told me that I am like you. It makes me feel like you live on through me, and I am proud of that. I’ve been accused by multiple people of being a “thinker” and have been told not to “think too much.” Mom tells me that I over-think things just like you did and that I should be careful as to avoid your fate. I don’t know how to decrease the time I spend thinking, and I don't want to. I am glad that I’m categorized as an “over-thinker.” Thank you for that trait. It is the reason I write, the reason I create. Over thinking makes me who I am. It's the reason why I care so much, and the reason why I still cry every October 17.

I still get angry with you from time to time, and I’m still frustrated that you couldn’t stop, but I understand. It’s hard to confess that you can’t control something. I know I would have a hard time confessing. If I got over my pride, it’d be too probably be too late for me too. I still don’t understand addiction like I want to, and I probably never will. Only recently have I honestly taken into account the emotional side to it.

You just did it. You didn’t think about it, you didn’t think about who it would affect, even that it would affect anyone. It was your life, and I think on some level, you thought that you were only hurting yourself. I’m slowly learning that what I do affects other people. I’ve been really spineless lately Dad, and I’m so ashamed. I wish you were here to tell me to sack up and be the person that I know I am.

I’m a little embarrassed about this post this year, because nowadays I actually have readers that aren’t your sisters, my girls, and Mom once in a while. But this blog has been such a crucial part of my coping, that it wouldn’t feel right to do otherwise.

I miss you so much.

Love,
Mal

Shake Shake Shake Shake Sh-shake it

2008-10-08T22:52:00.006-06:00

So I've started a new job, and it rocks. What I do is top secret, and the people I work with are awesome. The only downside to the job is that often times we listen to stations that promote pop music.

Yeah yeah, I know I've confessed that I sometimes find pop music enjoyable, but I have my limits. Finding LFO lyrics hysterical is one thing. Listening to The John Tesh show is completely different.

No Seriously, John Tesh.

It's horrible. He gives advice on relationships, health and well-being, and plays horrible, horrible music. While it's incredibly annoying, at least it allows me to keep things in perspective.

It could be worse, I could be calling into the John Tesh show for advice on life.

Hungry eyes, I get this feeling between you and I

2008-10-07T10:53:00.003-06:00

One of my first photography teachers once told me that I'd get to a point in my life where I would have to choose film or food.

Today is that day, and I think I'm officially a photographic artist.

However, it helps that I live at home and my mom has a fully stocked pantry that she lets me steal from every now and again.

And feel, feel what its like to be new

2008-10-01T23:26:00.004-06:00

Sorry it's been so political lately.. but tis the season?

Anyway click this link and check out my (I really wish we were) friend's blog. This post blew my mind.

Also. It's October again. Here we go...

Free, only want to be free

2008-09-28T22:26:00.006-06:00

My friend Abbey is getting ready to go on an adventure that will end up with her living in London to pursue her master's degree.

Yesterday I talked with my cousin about studying in the Netherlands for my MFA.

Just now I looked at photographs on some random person's facebook profile... The album was entitled "adventures in Europe" or something.

The point is. I think I might try to go out of the country for grad school. Is that insane?

I did a shit on your shit

2008-09-21T22:36:00.001-06:00

After talking about Piero Manzoni's Merda d'Artista....

Lisa says:
I love you and respect you as an artist
Lisa says:
but I am not buying your poop

There's beauty in the breakdown

2008-09-20T12:08:00.003-06:00

David Eskenazi, and I might be photographic soul mates.

Who controls the past now, controls the future

2008-09-17T00:50:00.004-06:00

I'm sorry I keep posting videos... but I loved this clip.

I know I may be in the minority, but I really love Craig Ferguson.

I hope that someone gets my message in a bottle

2008-09-10T23:36:00.006-06:00

While at the Gym today I thought about writing the following letters:

Dear Gold's Gym Member,
While I have had many conversations with various friends about how the gym should be a safe place for looking crappy while you work out, your decision to wear that stretched out tank top should be reassessed. It is covered with sweat stains, falling apart, and it freaks me out.

Thanks,
Mallory

Dear Gold's Gym,
Your advertisements for plastic surgery offend me. "When working out just isn't enough..." pisses me of to no end. Please promote health and well being. I go to the gym to be healthy, not to mold myself into an objectifiable figure for male enjoyment.

Yours,
Mallory

Dear Fox News,
I hate you. Do not for ONE SECOND think that since I was a Clinton supporter that I will suddenly become compassionate to Sarah Palin simply because I am female. Do not insult me. As an American Citizen, Feminist, and human being, she offends me on the basest level.

Cheers!
Mallory

Dear Rothko, Gottlieb and Newman,
Thank you so much for existing. Your 1943 statement has opened my eyes to a new concept. I love art and I love you.

Sincerely,
Mallory

Dear Face,
Why do you insist on breaking out right before I hang out with the boy? Because honestly. It's annoying. Please sack up.

Yours Truly,
Mallory

Poppin', sockin', rockin' puttin' a side of hip-hop

2008-09-06T10:44:00.001-06:00

I got my computer back... Stand by for more blogs.

Still don't know what love means

2008-08-17T01:41:00.002-06:00

Have you noticed that I'm still not in love, and how everyone else is? Because it is annoying. 6 days til Radiohead at least.

An ominous landscape of never-ending calamity

2008-08-06T01:29:00.006-06:00

It's 1:33 AM and I'm considering going to the gym to work out the anger that is consuming me. I'm not going to go into why I am so angry, but you should know that surprisingly this has nothing to do with me "censoring" some poor, innocent 45+ year old man.

Since my brain is not functioning as well as it should, I will be expressing myself in list form.

What I've learned this summer:

I never want to meet Maynard James Keenan, Robert Frank, or Barrack Obama... Actually I never want to meet any other hero I may acquire during this lifetime.
Correction: the only "Hero" I want to meet is Mohinder, because Mo-hin-der is hot.
Things that are too good to be true usually are.
If the situation is bad enough, I can say the 'F' word around my Mom and she won't get mad
A night out watching a movie and eating churros can be lifesaving
My little brother is quite possibly the coolest person to have ever existed
I don't hate cliches as much as I once thought
Breakdowns lead to breakthroughs
Jobs that lead to cigarette cravings are not worth my time
Life begins where your comfort zone ends
I am so glad to know what I do, about who I am, this early in life
Swingers are weird.
Outdoor movies with flash-less cameras are amazing
I still want an otter.

Right now everything is really shitty, and it will probably continue being shitty for a little while longer. But contrary to what some believe, I am not a weak minded individual who doesn't take responsibility for my life.*

*Please note it is now 2:12 am and I should have gone running. I apologize for the over dramatic post, but it seems that everything around me is currently over dramatic. Thanks for reading. Please email me and tell me that I'm pretty.

Boats 'n Hoes..

2008-08-04T15:36:00.004-06:00

Marci says:
I found a job for you
Marci says:
It's called the girlfriend experience
Mallory says:
What?
Marci says:
Guys pay you to be their girlfriend for a night
Marci says:
and you get decide if you want to have sex or not
Mallory says:
HA!
Marci says:
It's technically not prostitution because you are not being paid for sex
Marci says:
I'm watching a Tyra show about unusual couples and she has one on
Marci says:
She said she makes up to 1800 a night

Mallory says:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Girlfriend_experience

The wiki entry says: "This generally involves more intimate relations than a traditional call girl offers, and may include kissing, and/or french kissing, cuddling, and foreplay. By contrast, many prostitutes refrain from kissing for fear of contracting herpes or because they see it as a more emotionally intimate activity than sexual intercourse without kissing."

Marci says:
lol
Marci says:
Well the girl on Tyra must be a high class GFE

Hieper de piep HOERA

2008-08-03T23:47:00.001-06:00

I just saw this commercial. Capitalizing off of my heritage just makes me sick.

:)

What the hell am I doing here?

2008-07-31T13:57:00.004-06:00

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by being good and doing what's right? Does guilt because of the every day choices you make ever consume you?

Live Green. Recycle. Don't support huge conglomerates. Support local businesses. Don't gossip. Love everyone. Everyone is beautiful in his or her own way. Meat is murder. Walk more. Enjoy life. Live life. Seize the day. Don't waste time. Only read and watch things that will enrich your brain. Eat healthy. Eat vegetables. Eat whole foods. Avoid soda. Be happy. Processed food is of the devil. Avoid drugs. Practice safe sex. Respect yourself always. Be strong. Be bold. Be WHO YOU ARE. Respect others. Pay attention to politics. This is your world. Be selfless. Be responsible. Put others before yourself. Be clean. Look this way. Be confident. Don't be so confident that you are arrogant. Don't offend ANYONE. Voice your opinion. Feel this way. Be this way.

While the above-mentioned life guidelines aren’t inherently bad, when I fail to oblige to them I often feel guilty.

I used to get caught up in being a "Good Christian". Be good and God will bless you, be bad and you will be punished. While I no longer consider myself to be Christian, I still find myself trying to oblige to rules that I've created in the same way. I fear some sort of eternal punishment if I accidentally forget to recycle my soda can (The soda that I shouldn't have been drinking in the first place).

The limitations and guilt associated with these "morals" frustrate me to no end. The confusing part is that the guilt is a result of me. I don't feel guilty because a religious icon suffered for my sins, but because of some other reason. What is this reason? I don't know.

I just read this article. Amy Stein argues that we should all delete our Myspace profiles because it is owned by the "Rupert Murdoch evil empire." I agree with her. I SHOULD delete my account, for I have very strong feelings against Rupert Murdoch, Fox News, etc. I also think that Myspace is an unhealthy website that promotes insecurity. (For me at least.) Yet, I don't want to delete it. Because it allows me to keep tabs on my cousin and makes me feel insecure about who I'm dating.

So here I am again, with this moral dilemma, over Myspace.

Please note that I am 100% okay with Facebook. I also oppose Wal-Mart but am a frequent customer at Target. Coffee with sugar is fine (most of the time) but soda is out. I'm pro-recycling but frequently purchase those 24 packs of bottled water. Don’t even get me started on public transportation versus using my own car.

I get so tired living inside my brain sometimes.

LGFUAD

2008-07-28T23:05:00.002-06:00

Reasons why unemployment rocks:

1) Plenty of time to go to the gym
2) No excuses not to cook
3) Time to clean out closets, cupboards, bags, drawers, etc.
4) I'm slowly catching up on the 200+ blog posts I've missed..
5) I finally paid my parking ticket from last spring... Oops.

Reasons why it's not so rockin':
1) Constant sense of guilt whenever I spend money
2) Coming to the realization that I place too much of my self worth on whether or not I am receiving a paycheck

I know that it's temporary... but I really need to get back to work.

In other news, I really would enjoy owning an otter.

Back to school, back to school

2008-07-25T14:51:00.002-06:00

I just dug out my backpack from last semester so I could archive the work (or lack thereof) that I produced last year. My room now reeks of fixer.

I can't wait for the semester to start.

Get yourself a job.. You're living a dream

2008-07-23T22:28:00.004-06:00

Today's Horoscope:

Don't let worry consume you today-- though it will be easy to do just that. You've got to let go of the stuff you can't control and should find that you turn the corner emotionally pretty soon.

Working 9 to 5

2008-07-11T15:24:00.002-06:00

I could not survive the work day without my good pal Sarah.

Sarah says:
Remember that one time when my little brother baptized a clown?

Et cetera, et cetera

2008-07-01T15:27:00.005-06:00

On a more serious note.

Oh my God.

I am so excited I can't contain myself. I have been told time and time again that by listing Robert Frank as one of my key influences, grad schools will think I am out of touch with contemporary photography. The thing is, I'd be lying if I didn't list him.

It's an interesting thing, listing your influences as an artist. To appear informed and connected to the world of photography I often list artists such as Meir Gal, Denis Darzacq, and Gregory Crewdson as my influences. And I love their work.

But when I sit down and think of who/what actually inspires me, the list would look more like: Robert Frank, Diane Arbus, Edward Weston, Mayard James Keenan, Modest Mouse, Thom Yorke, A Perfect Circle, 28 days/weeks later, Garden State, Frou Frou, The Fall, Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind, Pans Labyrinth, Wes Anderson, Fight Club, Martin Novak, Simon Blundell, Maria Davis, Cameron Bentley, Abbey Wuthrich and Savana Buffington.

I suppose a large part of being an artist is playing the game, just like anything else in life. I just wanted to come clean about what really inspires me.

Feel a little poke comin through, on you

2008-07-01T14:11:00.003-06:00

Highlights from a seemingly uneventful day:

Mallory says:
EILJAH
Mallory says:
I cannot link you to my internet boyfriend from when I was 14.
Eli says:
hahaha what now?

--------------------------------------------------------------

Mallory says:
if Robbie Blackwell never loved me, then i would have never learned of smegma (Seriously don't click that at work.)

--------------------------------------------------------------

Mallory says:
I INVENTED PUFFY CROTCH.
Mallory says:
AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT A PUFFY CROTCH IS.
Mallory says:
BECAUSE
Mallory says:
I HAVE THE ULTIMATE PUFFY CROTCH
Mallory says:
WHICH IS WHY NOBODY WILL EVER WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME A SECOND TIME.
Sarah says:
lol. what. ever.
Mallory says:
maybe, MAYBE if I'm on the bottom.

---------------------------------------------------------------

hobbes8u says:
I just sent this to my boss accidentally instead of you
hobbes8u says:
[14:09] Hobbes8u: I stink
[14:10] Hobbes8u: haha
[14:10] Hobbes8u: I sent that to the wrong person
Mallory says:
HA
hobbes8u says:
thank god I didn't say my balls hurt

----------------------------------------------------------------

Mallory says:
give me a lyric that has to do with either penises or being smelly.
Sarah says:
HA HA HA
Sarah says:
feel a little poke comin through, on you
Mallory says:
Umm less boner-y

Feels Pretty Soft to Me

2008-06-30T10:59:00.002-06:00

I feel like myself again.

I will eat you alive

2008-06-23T20:31:00.005-06:00

The other day at the doctor's office I found out that I am anemic. I wasn't too surprised, since I have a forever love for chewing ice and apparently that is a telltale sign. My doctor was very nice and sent me a list of iron-rich foods. I think I might stick with taking an iron supplement...

Nothing Creative Today

Typically terrific, busy and prolific

I (still) Carry You Around, in the Background

Under Pressure...

Pack up, I'm straight

Before You're Lost Between the Notes

A trace of me, it floats in my periphery

Still got your words, and you got your friends

Just Like a Faucet That Leaks and There is Comfort in the Sound

Shut up, I'm thinking

Have Heart, My Dear We're Bound to Be Afraid

Jump in, well whatcha waiting for?

I'm sure back home, they think I've lost my mind.

Just Blue Like Him, Inside and Outside

Just remember: when the tide rolls in, it can't be too long until it rolls back out.

Blah

Everything's not lost

Every little thing, is gonna be alright

Better run like hell when you hit the ground

Need some Photo Equipment?

In the Motions, and the Things that You say

With your feet in the air and your head on the ground

Nuh-uh baby I ain't got no plan

It's too late to 'pologize

Your heart is true, you're a pal and a con-fi-daaant

Politically irrelevant but culturally awesome

I feel it all, I feel it all

Difficult not to feel little bit, disappointed, passed over

The car was on blocks but I was already where I want

Much Ado About Nothing

Check this font, it's sans-serif

What is gone is gone

Remind me of this come January 3...

To A Beautiful Lady Of A Certain AgeBy Felix Dennis

Hello Future, Where will I be?

When they insist on knowing my bliss, I tell them this

And you never know what’s coming next, but in spelling...

I carry you around, in the background

Electronic Castaway... Digital Stowaway

The most important product I have ever endorsed

So Empty, So Estranged

Momentary Phase, Just Like Yesterday

DC Sleeps Alone Tonight

It's time I got back to the good life

Hello Future Where Will I Be?

To Pour it has to rain, so don't be afraid to get wet

It's doing me in, doing me in, doing me in.

You're like a knife to my head

Layers

Before you're lost between the notes

We were dead before this ship even sank

But I cant help the feeling, I could blow through the ceiling

Strange Love, a Star Woman Teaches

Faith, you're driving me away

I carry you around, in the background

Don't get any big ideas...

Saturday, May 23

Every night turns out to be a little bit more like Bukowski

Dizzy and clearly unable to just let this go-

Whatever Happens, Happens

From: The Wisdom of Insecurity

Come with us now on a Journey Through Outer Space..

There's beauty in the breakdown

Art-schmart.

Take this sinking boat and point it home

1, 2, 3, 4 tell me that you love me more

I don't know how long I can hold on

Possibly the most shallow thing I've ever written

Call it Education

3, 2, 1 Let's Jam.

Who will save your soul?

The Idea becomes the Machine that Creates the Art

I'm bored.. C'mon let's get high.

Circles of Confusion

You think you'll never get it right But you're wrong. You might.

Cry Freedom, cry

I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity

Let's bury the hatchet

Mirrors and Windows

When I hit a wall, I look up at the sky

To A Beautiful Lady Of A Certain Age
By Felix Dennis