Typically terrific, busy and prolific

Well it's my first Thanksgiving away from home, so I thought I'd post a little diddy. I'm surprised that I haven't posted more often since moving to Chicago. I thought that once I moved here I would have daily experiences to write home about every day. That's not to say that I haven't, but to be honest, moving across the country has been far more difficult than I anticipated.


That isn't to say that I don't like it here, because I do. The city is beautiful, I've met some incredible people, and am still jazzed about going to the big school. What I didn't take into account is how much my friends and family at home mean to me, and how hard it is to be separated by 1400 miles. It's weird being in a foreign place on your favorite holiday. If I were at home right now, Mikey and I would be strategizing our cooking plans for our holiday meal, while Mom would be setting the table, trying to figure out how to fit however many people.

While talking on the phone with a friend the other night, I realized that the hardest part about moving away is knowing that if you return, "home" it will no longer exist. So much has changed in Salt Lake City these past 3 months, and I know that it won't ever stop changing. It's such a weird sensation. I remember feeling this way after moving after my senior year of high school, however this time it feels 100x more potent. I don't know if it is because for the first time in my life, I am truly alone, or if it's because so much has changed in the past 6 months. It's probably a combination of the both, or maybe it's just because it's happening now, and the present is always more potent than the past.

What I do know is this is a huge growing experience, and I am grateful for that. It's challenging and lonely but at the end of the day, I know that I will be a stronger person as a result. I am so lucky for the friends and family that I have, both in Salt Lake and Chicago. I am particularly lucky to have the Mother that I do. Between her example of strength, and her willingness to listen to me complain about banal things every day, I don't know how I would have survived these past three months without her.

I am so lucky.

Posted by Posted by Mallory at Thursday, November 24, 2011
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I (still) Carry You Around, in the Background

Man. 7 years.

I may be horrible at blogging nowadays, but I am pretty sure that I will return to this website every October 17th for the rest of my life. On the plus side, I feel like I am almost keeping the promise I made to myself to continue writing. For some reason words don't flow out of my mind and onto the internet like they used to.

Maybe it's because of Facebook, or maybe it's because I tend to keep things closer to my chest nowadays.

To be honest, I wasn't sure what I was going to post this year. I still really don't. I took a gander at some of my past entries on this date, and I think of the past 6 entries, this one is my favorite.


I can't believe last year at this time Becca was spending every day with me because M and I separated. So much has changed, it's almost unbearable. I currently live in Chicago. Lindsi and her family are in Phoenix and Zandi's planning on moving hers to Colorado at the end of the month. Grandma Van Schelt passed away suddenly on August 18th. (I'd been in Chicago for 2 days.) Mikey and Vance are still home with Mom, but I worry about her constantly.

It feels so heartless to list these items out one by one. They were (are) all such huge events that deserve to be written about in more detail.

This is the thing that gets me every year. Thinking about how much everything has changed and how you aren't here to witness any of it. This past year in particular has been so trying. So much has changed, Dad. I actually did get into SAIC despite being told I didn't have a shot in Hell. Two months ago I moved to Chicago to pursue a new life. Now that I'm here I am constantly wrestling with the question as to whether or not I made the right decision. I hear this is normal, but you know me, I like to think every struggle I encounter is specific to me, and my life only.

I miss my life in Salt Lake. I miss the comfort of having my closest friends within a short distance. I miss feeling needed. This isn't to say that I hate it here, because I don't. I've been fortunate enough to make some friends. More importantly, I've been forced to spend time alone which has led to some interesting realizations. But still, I'd give anything for a Crown Burger, Teavening, or night of laundry and $5 Pizza.

That's life though, right? Last year at this time I would have given anything to fix my broken relationship, and that would have been the worst possible outcome for me. Curiously today is the first time in quite awhile that I have even thought of that relationship. On the one hand, this is a comfort. I know that I will get over my current struggles as I have in the past. On the other hand this comfort comes at the cost of fading memories, which I'm not yet ready to let go of.

I love you, I miss you, and I miss everyone else I know.
Mallory




Posted by Posted by Mallory at Sunday, October 16, 2011
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Under Pressure...

Received my first homework assignment this past weekend from the Big School. Adding that to the two jobs I currently possess and the stress of moving across the country (have I mentioned I don't yet have a job?) I'm about to break.


In (boringish) work-related news, I've finally begun training my replacement, and am surprised at how territorial I am over my clients. While I've always known this gig was temporary, letting it go is proving to be more difficult than I anticipated. I'm sure I will feel differently when I return from my back-to-back business trips in July.

You make friends in all sorts of places. Even when they are surprisingly gigantic.

Posted by Posted by Mallory at Tuesday, June 28, 2011
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Pack up, I'm straight

I've spent the past weekend packing up my stuff for the first of three moves. Next week at this time, I will be coming to you live from the basement of my mother's house. As I go through all of my possessions and decide what will make the cut (I am literally limited to the space of my car), I am reminded of the experiences that have lead up to this point. I am so excited to escape the haze that has shrouded my life these past two years.



Posted by Posted by Mallory at Monday, May 30, 2011
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Before You're Lost Between the Notes

121 days.


This past week I had the pleasure of attending the University of Utah's Annual Student Exhibition. It's always strange to return to a place that you once thought of as home. When returning to venues such as these I often daydream that masses will come up to me, inquiring what I've been up to all these years. I will impress them with my news of graduate school and make them laugh with stories regarding my personal experiences with professional wrestling. They'll invite me for drinks, where we will continue to catch up on each other's lives and when we depart they will secretly wish that they were about to embark on a similar journey.

Unfortunately the reality of these experiences usually involve people I look up to not remembering me, and the people I wish didn't, interrogating me about my personal life, or lack there of. These interactions are a constant reminder that the world keeps moving with or without you. While I realize this observation is nothing new, it always seems to strike a particular chord with me.

While spending some time with friends this past weekend, I couldn't help but wonder where my friends and I will be a year or two from now. Will we lose interest in each other's lives? Will we have to force awkward conversations about our professions and partners when I return to SLC to visit? What about the newest of friends recently added to my collection? Is there even a chance?

I know that the sacrifice is necessary. I just wish it didn't suck.



Posted by Posted by Mallory at Sunday, April 17, 2011
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A trace of me, it floats in my periphery

I've been wandering about in a bit of a haze these last few days and was finally knocked out of it tonight between the hours of 7:30-10:00 PM. This happens to me semi-frequently. I spend a little too much time alone over the weekend getting trapped in my head, consumed with worry and stress only to be brought back to reality by making inappropriate jokes about having relations with one's cousin. These women have been my stronghold long enough that I can't exactly calculate the duration. (somewhere in the 6-7 year range?)

As I reflect on what I will miss most about Salt Lake City, Crown Tuesday and the friendships associated are at the top of the list. I know that I will be hard pressed to find relationships such as these in the big city, and am worried that I have taken these friendships for granted. I know that I'm being a little over dramatic, it's not like I'm dying, I'm just moving approximately 1400 miles away. But still, if I'm having regrets about not spending enough time with people now, how will I feel in 4 months and 3 days?

Posted by Posted by Mallory at Tuesday, April 12, 2011
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Still got your words, and you got your friends

Took a much needed mental health day today, and figured what better to do with an unexpected day off than post something? I gave in, and changed my URL. Welcome to www.nothing-creative-today.com. That's right, I took the lazy way out.

Wellp, it's April 11, 2011 and I will be moving to Chicago, IL in 4 short months and 4 shorter days. That's right internet, I did it. I have achieved my life long dream of getting accepted to a prestigious graduate program. Once I fork over 500 bones to the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, I will be their newest student. Pretty awesome huh?

Since finding out, I've been an emotional roller coaster (As if this is different from any other point in my existence). During the week, while sitting in my teeny-tiny cubicle processing refunds for one of the country's largest fitness corporations, I cannot wait until August 15th. Regardless of my Colonel Saul Tigh Lego, Betty White calendar and handful of really cool people, I need to get out of that place. It's not where I belong, and it's just comfortable enough that I could consider settling in that position for a long time, which is terrifying.

During the hours that don't include Monday through Friday, 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM, my desire for change isn't quite the same. On the one hand, I'm getting really tired of this self imposed "Must be single until settled in Chicago" deal. On the other hand, there's that whole leaving everything I care about thing.

The plan is to start writing again (how many times in the past year have I said this?) to A) document the ever-shrinking time I have left in good ol' Salt Lake City and B) hash out the above mentioned emotional roller coaster.

Hopefully I still have some followers out there..

Posted by Posted by Mallory at Monday, April 11, 2011
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